The Loneliness of Being a Cycle Breaker

Originally Posted September 6, 2022

Being the first in your family or friend group to break away from old habits isn’t easy. 

Maybe you’re the first one to move out of your hometown. Perhaps you’re learning how to say no to more people and things. Maybe you’re making a significant lifestyle change that is very different from the expectations of those around you.

Our reasoning may differ from person to person, but there are a few things that almost all of us will experience. Judgment, Gossip, and Ostracization. And it can be very lonely. 

Judgment

It is very likely that someone will share with you that the decision you’ve made is a bad idea. This person may not even be that close to you. If people don’t come up to you directly, you may receive some passive-aggressive comments, or more people staring at you than usual.

Gossip

If you still talk to a few people from your past, you may hear some stories about yourself that you didn’t even know! Yet other times you may be really hurt to hear some of the things people you once trusted, have been saying about you.

Ostracization

Being ostracized is typically the most public result of being a cycle breaker. Depending on what circumstances you’re changing, you may find yourself no longer welcome in certain spaces. You may not get invites to things you’ve attended for years. Even see pictures of a big family event that you didn’t know was happening.

Is It Worth It?

All of this can lead you to wonder whether you made the right decision. About how much “easier” life would be if you just went with the flow. At times, your head may be saying you did the right thing, but your heart will likely feel pretty heavy.

If you are going through this process, try to connect with others who may be similar to you. Start small with Facebook groups or Reddit Boards. Then work your way up to in-person hangouts. Be sure to pay attention to how you feel after an interaction with someone. Do you feel drained? Inauthentic? Look for the ones you can feel safe with. 

Initially, you may find it easier to befriend people who are like the ones you left behind. Be careful of this. Just because it is familiar does not mean it is safe

Remember your “why” for making the change, and create a family that encourages and uplifts you in your journey. 

Steps like this can help you not feel so alone. It’s a reminder that others have been in similar situations and come out on the other side better. A reminder that if it's possible for them, it can be possible for you too.